just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
