but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
