Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
