if i died would you start the facebook group?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
