You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
