I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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