im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
