does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
