question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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