At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
