you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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