I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
