Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
