i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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