ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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