I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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