Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
