I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
