you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
