She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
