it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
