I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think my vagina is haunted
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
