I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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