he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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