so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he was CRYING into my vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
