Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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