You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
