i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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