you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
