I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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