I am puke
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
