no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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