Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just googled if crying burns calories
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
