Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
