you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
