i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
