I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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