from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
