Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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