I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
