She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
