I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The maid of honor just puked.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
