It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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