very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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