im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
