is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
