Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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