After last night, I could never be a politician.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
