They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
