Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
